Blessed by the Potato

Well, the Halloween party is over and it went off fairly well. Our neighbours’ party was much bigger than ours, and lasted longer, too, but they managed to keep things fairly well under control — we could barely hear them inside in the room closest to their house, and not at all from the bedrooms; best of all, no broken glass in the parking lot! One issue though, was public urination. At least two guys came around the fence into our parking lot to pee, and were shameless about it. One guy I saw make a bee-line for the fence, and I shouted “hey, it’s not a washroom!” and he just bashfully waddled 3 steps away and then peed anyway. Another guy came over while we were out in the parking lot, and, came around the fence, looking right at us, went pee. He was seriously just two parking spaces away, something like 10 feet, peeing. And there were girls there.

Now, as those who know me well (I mean really well) know, I understand the urge to pee sometimes frequently. That panicked, painful need to pee, whether due to a small bladder, overactive kidneys, or both. There have been several times when I’ve been stuck in traffic or out on a walk and been sorely, sorely tempted to just go out in the wild. But I don’t, because I’m civilized; I hold it until a washroom is available, I try to plan ahead, and I buy a lot of donuts I don’t really want so I can use the Tim Horton’s without guilt. Somehow though, there are a large number of guys around here who just don’t seem to care at all. There are a few alleys down Richmond here (where all the bars and clubs are) where on a weekend, those alleys will reek of piss. Walking down at prime drunk time, you’ll almost invariably see someone there, peeing, in full view of all the people walking down the street (it’s an alley, not a stall). The sidewalk will be wet with this little river that mysteriously starts six feet down the alley, springing from an apparent leak in the wall.

What could possibly possess these people, in the age where we pick up after our dogs, to just urinate in public, and to do so with so little shame? For the Halloween example, these guys were at a party in a house, a house with washrooms — how long could the line up have possibly been? And how callous do you have to be to pee on the neighbours of your hosts? While they watch? Of course, Wayfare has told me that there are much worse things they could be doing, such as breaking bottles, or breaking into our house… but relativism doesn’t make the smell go away the next morning when I have to get my car (and having my house broken into was probably better than getting mugged, but it still fucking sucked).

I don’t think I’ll ever understand that mindset, one that I think goes along with breaking bottles in the street (and my parking lot) for no reason. I don’t think my lack of comprehension is in any way a bad thing, either, but aside from tasering wayward urinators, is there any way to keep them at bay?